why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
being pregnant is like rehab
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
