You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
