What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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