P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
