The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
