george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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