So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
