She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
