Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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