it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
