its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
