If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
