Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
