I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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