You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Damn victory sex feels great
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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