Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
third nipple confirmed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
