super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't turn off my feet"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
