I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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