i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
