I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
