It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
