I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
