so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize