Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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