Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
