everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
