This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
