wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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