Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
