Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
