It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
