You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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