Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
