Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
