They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
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