I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
