This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
