dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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