life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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