Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
