He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
