i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
