I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How external is "for external use only"?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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