it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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