I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize