look no pants
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Found the puke drawer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
