Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
