I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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