how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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