you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
