This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
