Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just google imaged poop.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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