Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
