I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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