census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
