We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no you cant smoke seaweed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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