Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize