If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
