I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
