U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i now understand why vodka
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
