i permit you to call me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
