but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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