shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have feelings that need drinking.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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