I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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