I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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