Got a toothbrush?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
