We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
