The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
