I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think my fart just growled at me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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