The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
