): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
