last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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