i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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