Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
